Sleep

Picture this: you and a friend are stranded, somewhere in a remote jungle. You have no idea where you are or what predators might be sniffing you out. You've got 2 tents with you and plenty of food and wine.
Do you-
A. Sleep in separate tents and make sure you eat a good, heavy evening meal and drink some wine in order to try and prevent you from waking through the night.
B. Sleep in the same tent as your partner, eat small, nutritious snacks and wake frequently to check that you are both still ok.

What about if you're in separate tents and you hear your friend crying. Do you-
A. Assume s/he is fine and leave them to it, after all, they have had plenty to eat and they've got plenty of blankets to keep them warm. If there was anything seriously wrong they'd be screaming frantically. 
B. Go into their tent and give them a cuddle, after all, it's scary out here and they aren't as brave and strong as you.

I'd be surprised if many people would genuinely answer A to both questions yet it is apparently normal in western society to expect tiny babies, who have no idea where they are or if they are safe alone, to sleep continuously for up to 12 or 13 hours a night. And if they protest we are supposed to ignore them or just go in and pat them every few minutes before leaving them again. But how normal is it for babies to sleep through? And at what cost are we striving to achieve it?

Breastmilk is quickly and easily digested meaning frequent feeding throughout the day and night, this makes it unlikely that baby will enter a really deep sleep, therefore decreasing the risk of SIDS. Formula and solid food is much harder to digest meaning that the baby shuts down and goes into a deeper sleep in order to digest (imagine the way you feel after a big roast dinner) and increasing the risk of SIDS. 

Babies lack the ability to regulate their own body temperature, when mother and baby co-sleep, the mother's body temperature adjusts in response to that of her infant, regulating his for him. The sound of his mother breathing also helps to keep the baby out of a deep sleep and reminds him to keep breathing himself. This potentially increases night wakings but, more importantly, it further reduces the risk of SIDS. However, the NHS have judged that it's better to tell parents not to co-sleep at all rather than trust them to follow guidelines about how to do it safely. But when most babies have outgrown their Moses basket by 3 months, some as young as 6 or 8 weeks, this usually leaves parents with no choice but to put babies into a cot. And as many families don't have room to fit a cot into the parents' room, the transition to cot usually goes hand in hand with a move to a separate bedroom. Sadly, a lot of parents feel vindicated in doing this when their baby suddenly starts sleeping through the night. "He's much happier in his own room, when he was in with us we were waking him up but now he sleeps right through." 

Perhaps if parents were given a realistic idea of what to expect from their baby and an understanding of the biological and anthropological reasons for frequent night waking then we wouldn't be frantically trying to correct 'problems' which aren't even there. We would be able to enjoy our babies instead of fighting a loosing battle against nature and most importantly, we wouldn't be inadvertently putting our babies at risk.

A proper introduction

Hello, my name is Claire and I am mama to a 6 month old baby girl.

I always thought I was normal (mostly) but apparently not. Since having my baby, it turns out that I'm quite weird. I breastfeed, use cloth nappies and carry my daughter in a sling most of the time. These aren't things I'm particularly proud of by the way, it's just stuff I do. Mostly because it saves me money or makes life easier or both. But apparently it's not normal.*

And then there's the most important thing to me- I don't leave my daughter to cry. Not even for 2 minutes, not if I can get to her. Obviously you can't stop a car in the middle of the motorway or get up mid pee. And every mother has that point at which the crying becomes too much and they need to leave the room for a minute or two. But those situations aside, if madam cries, madam is picked up, cuddled, soothed and if the crying persists she will be nursed, even *shock horror* if she's not crying from hunger. There are plenty of parents, health care professionals and interfering busybodies out there who I'm sure would jump at the chance to tell me that I'm creating a monster; she will be clingy and want carrying and breastfeeding until she's 23. 'You need to leave her to cry, she has to learn that mummy won't always come running.' To these people I say this-

Bollocks.

My daughter does not need to learn that I won't always be there for her, she needs to learn exactly the opposite of that. Why would she need to cling to me if she is 100% confident that I will be there if she needs me? But apparently I'm in the minority on this one too.

So what is 'normal'? Disposable nappies have only been in widespread use for less than 30 years, processed cows' milk as a substitute for breastmilk has been around for less than 100 years, prams for less than 200 years. And how can it possibly be normal to ignore the heart-rending feeling of hearing your child cry? But apparently I'm the weirdo.

So I thought I'd write me a little blog so that I can get some of this stuff out of my head. And if someone reads it and changes their perception of what is 'normal' then that would be quite awesome. But mostly I just hope it's interesting to someone.






* You probably think I'm one of those mad hippies. I'm not. I don't wear sandals so I can't be. I don't wear long skirts or make my own jewellery either. I'm not even a vegetarian.

Hi

This is my blog, just some of my thoughts and feelings about parenthood. And maybe some about life in general. First proper post to follow.

Hope you enjoy.